To support, encourage, & promote interaction between Asian Men & Black Women.
Over the past few years I have met men in bars, at meetups, on the internet, you get the idea. And with Asian men, I've noticed some of the same type of questions and comments coming up that I'm tired of dealing with. In many cases I let the comments slide, but sometimes I do get snarky. So I decided to write this blog about these comments. So here's a list of the 10 of the most annoying questions/comments I have gotten from Asian guys and what may be nicer to hear instead.
1. Are you into Asian guys/Why Do You Like Asian Guys?
Depending on the conversation I have been asked these questions.I think some guys use it as a way to flirt with a girl. Sometimes when you say "yes" to this the guy will ask "why?" The problem with this questions is that there's not "right" way to answer it. If a girl goes on about how hot she thinks Asian guys are, you may see her as a girl with an Asian fetish. If she says "because the men of my race suck!" she looks like a self-hating woman who was scorned. If she says "Well why shouldn't I like Asian guys?" she seems like a snarky bithc. In other words the question can just make a girl uncomfortable. On the flipside, asking can also make you look a bit insecure, especially if you follow up with stuff like "most black girls don't like Asian guys."
Maybe try: It's nice to meet women that steps outside the box.
Or don't mention it at all
2. I Don't Like Asian Girls Because They're (negative comment)
As a woman I'm not interested in hearing you down other woman even if they aren't my race. When you constantly down woman it makes you sound damn bitter and that means me giving you an awkward lie about having to go to the bathroom and climbing out the window. Don't assume that because a woman isn't Asian she will enjoy listening to you down them.
Maybe try: I like to step outside the box a bit.
3. Can I touch your hair?
Don't touch a black woman's hair without permission. EVER. So it's great that you asked before putting your hands my hair. But why the heck would you ask that question anyway!? I'm not a fuckin freak show! Do you go around asking other people to touch their hair (unless well you're the freak...then I need to run...FAST)? Maybe if this question comes up after I've know you for a while (well if you've known me for a while you'd know I don't like people touching my hair) I wouldn't be so annoyed. But I've met dudes that seem fascinated at first sight of the afro and think it's okay say, "Hi! My name is ... Can I ruin the hairstyle you won't up early to put together with my nasty hands?" If anything my scalp just might attack you.
Maybe try: You hair really looks nice today. I love that hairstyle on you.
NOTE - touching my hair during a hot sex session is permissible just don't pull at it.
4. You're different from other black girls I've met.
This is usually accompanied with some stereotypes of black women or black people in general. The stereotypes include but are not limited to the following phrases: "fat" "ghetto" "weave" "poor" "little education" "children." And apparently these men have found this in EVERY black women that met (which is usually no more than 2-3 people...the other times it's from TV or stuff they "heard from friends or friends"). Are there black women out there like that? Of course! Do I think it's a compliment that you are saying the I'm so awesome because I'm not like "those" women? Hell no. But why you ask? Simple. You already had assumptions about me because of my race.
Maybe try: I'm glad a met a woman as amazing as you.
5. You're black! How can you not like (enter black related thing here)!?
No. Just No. Similar to the "I'm not the typical Asian guy" line and "You're not like black girls I know" line, this one will be based off stereotypes and can turn a girl off. Just like how you don't want her assuming you're a Mandarin pop music fan, don't get shocked an appalled if she doesn't like to eat fried chicken or watermelon and prefers to watch Nightmare on Elm Street over a Madea's Black Family Drama that Ends When Everyone Goes to Church. Sure, you can enjoy those things, just don't expect every black woman to.
Maybe try: I like...but you do your thing.
6. Why do you like (enter Asian related things here) so much!? That stuff is crap!
As I've mentioned before on here I am a fan of Japanese (and some Korean) pop culture. I was into this stuff long before I was interested in Asian men. I'm not ashamed of what I like. BUT I also know that just because I'm interested in it doesn't mean that you are too. I'm not expecting you do be a fan of Chemistry or to watch anime or Old Boy. I won't pull you into anything unless I see you have a clear interest in it. So please don't rag on me because I don't like these things.
Maybe try: I'm not a fan of...but do your thing.
7. I know I have a small dick but (begging and pleading for me to sleep with you)
Yes. Asian men actually have said this to me before (well not as crudely as I said it). This is just a show of your insecurities and frankly I don't want to deal with an insecure man. I think this goes back to assumptions of the "Big Black Mandingo and his huge cock" and the assumption that black women will have little respect for men of other races because of their size. Although there has been research that yes sometimes size can matter (on both men and women) the most important thing is how well you use what you got...and this applies to men of any size! If you're making my eyes roll into the back of my head then clearly I'm not thinking about your size.
Maybe try: I'll have you saying my name in four different Asian languages.
Okay, don't say that. It's just not cute. Okay, actually I might laugh at it.
Maybe try: LOL okay I couldn't think of anything better to say. Just don't go on and on about your damn dick size.
8. You're so tall!
Where I live I run into quite a few women that are "Above average" when it comes to height. And I'm sure it bugs them hell outta them when ppeople say this. Why? Because we already know we're tall and don't need to be reminded thanks. No I don't hate being tall...but I hate when people point out the obvious. And please don't think that tall black girls are only good for sports, so try to avoid following up "tall"
comments with you gushing about how much you love basketball. When Asian guys have said this it's sometimes accompanied with a discussion on Asian men being short. If the Asian guy is my height, he'll point out that he's just tall for an Asian. I guess tall Asian guys aren't that big of a deal to me since I have come across quite a few that are on the tall side. So hearing this just sounds strange to me.
Maybe try: Great legs!
9. I'm not the typical Asian guy.
Actually I hate when any guy gives the "I'm not the typical (insert race here) guy" line. I have heard men use this phrase almost like a badge or pride or honor. Why? Well first what is the typical Asian guy? It seems to me that there are many different type of Asian men. What makes them ALL typical? Eating rice? Using mass amounts of hair gel? Speaking broken English? Is this the idea of the typical Asian guy? And does this "typical" apply to Asian-American men as well? What is wrong with the typical Asian guy? I'm sure that guy isn't taking "typical" as deeply as I am though. But I'm also a person that rolls her eyes when she hears black anime fans talking about how their not "typical" blacks because they like anime.
Maybe try: I'm a guy that follows my own mind and/heart.
NOTE: okay that does sound a bit lame too, but you get the idea.
10. I'm Such an Asian That I (neagtive comment)/We Asians Are (negative comment)
This is the flipside of "I'm Not the Typical Asian Guy" line but similar to the hating on Asian women line. I once met a guy that started most of his sentence with "We know us Asians we..." I think there's a different between explaing what can be a cultural difference due to your race/ethnicity vs. being self-deprecating to the point where it makes me question your own feelings about being Asian.I'm sure there are a lot of woman that are interested in Asians and Asian culture and want to hear what you have to say. And a joke about your Asian-ness every now and then isn't so bad either. But no one wants to be around someone that feels the need to diss themselves and there ethnicity/race constantly.
Maybe try: I do (enter Asian-related thing) because it's a part of who I am.
Note: Okay that one was lame too. Ugh I'm running out of smart conversation topics! But again you get the idea.
So moral of the story here is be postive, confident, and avoid backhanded comments! If will help your game for the ladies!
1. WTF -- I thought girls were supposed to be into "deep" conversations. Frankly, the "why do you..." questions are the best ones for getting to know someone. On so many different levels.
2. Well, I don't like girls in general 'cause they're so full of it; they think they're so damned precious...and they're so weak, so whiny and lazy and all they want to do is eat pastries all the time! But of course I'm pre-programmed for pussy, not to mention T&A, so what can I do....
3. Now come on, that's like the Number Four Top Thing to Do with a Black Girl! The hair thing is second most obvious (nine out of ten surveys say!) so stop being all hung-up over yourself! I mean, a guy wants to touch your privates, too...so what??
4. Oh my Lordy Jesus! No wonder black people and Jews go together like Asians and rice! Y'all are so damned touchy about everything!! Fact is, a good percentage of the girls you see in a major metropolis who are loud are black (or hispanic, which is just about the same thing in most cases). They're loud, obnoxious, and ignorant to boot! That's just the facts. Why fight it?? Use it to your advantage! People pass judgment on us all the time -- as we do of others. Big deal!
5. Hey, come on now, people of a certain background tend to resemble one another, is all. No need to take offense. It's like finding a Chinese guy who doesn't like Chinese food! Maybe not impossible, but certainly unusual. Why black folk gotta be so damned touchy about everything???? Oh boo hoo hoo slavery/Jim Crow....
6. POP CULTURE IS CRAP -- especially a lot of Jap/Korean pop culture, which is heavily heavily Americanized. It's just American low-brow culture in yellowface, you might say! But whatever. Why get upset??
7. I LOVE HAVING A SMALL PENIS. It makes for a great ice-breaking conversation with the girl! Most girls, anyway. Depends. But come on, let's face it, black women are used to big ones so why be upset?? I love big black butts because my penis is so small it looks great...I mean, I love the contrast, the big difference, kinda like seeing my lighter skin against her black-as-night-ass.... So relax already. Geez, you're so uptight -- you sure you're black??
8. My half-black girlfriend is tall, too -- though at 5'8" that's still way shorter than me. But I complimented her on it at first and so what? That's what I love about black girls. So chill, you know. Normally, anyway. You sure you all black??
9. Hmmm. I can't believe it but I gotta agree with you here! Then again, whatever. I mean, the guy's showing you what kind of person he's like. What do you care?? Don't you want to know how he truly is??
10. Hmmm. Not sure I can relate to such a situation but oh well. If it's really as bizarre as you claim here, then yeah, I'd be feeling weird, too. Then again, that's who the person is, that's where he's at at this stage of his life. Isn't dating all about getting to know someone as s/he really is -- rather than as you want them to be???
Ha, I've had the "You're tall!" and "Do you like Asian guys?" along with "You have a big booty!" from a guy dancing on me at a party haha
Personally, I don't mind getting crazy questions just as long as they keep the conversation flowing.
"I know I have a small dick."
Dude, you're supposed to act like you have the biggest dick in the world no matter what size it is! Use what you've got and make her feel good and she'll love it because it's yours.
Another one to add to the list: "I thought black girls weren't shy."
An Asian guy I met online said this to me when I refused to partake in a blatantly sexual conversation during our first time chatting online. (I hadn't even met him in person yet.)
I am not shy about sex if I like you and I want to have sex with you, but just because I'm black it doesn't mean that I'm willing to share all my sexual desires, fantasies, and needs with complete strangers!
I'm guilty of #1 and half of #7
I usually use #1 as a conversation starter, but I didn't know that it could be seen as offensive or annoying. I tend to use the question so that I know what sparked a female's interest in Asian men to cure my curiosity and not to be used to judge people with.
Well, I am quite self conscious over my package size and it kills my self confidence, but that doesn't mean I would do it while begging to sleep with someone. I am celibate so the latter doesn't apply to me.