To support, encourage, & promote interaction between Asian Men & Black Women.
I think as you get older, you realize those straight A's don't add dollars to your paychecks...and your parents life is not your own. Nice insight though.
I think I would have believed in myself more instead of second-guessing myself when it comes to my capabilities and my worth, but you live in you learn. I was the shy, softspoken, nerdy-yet-sweet child in school and the youngest of six kids in my household. I knew better than to make the same mistakes as my older siblings, but I think I wound up being an overachiever, the uber-responsible child and a perfectionist who never truly got to enjoy life and live like my older siblings (which is a contradiction to the stereotypical baby of the family, I know). I was also quite sensitive, but I had to be mature all the time. Some of those perfectionistic ways were self-induced, but I never felt I was good enough, and that transpired into stupid relationships among other things.
If I could go back and redo it, I'd probably have more of a carefree attitude and an "Eff you if you ain't effin' with me" type of mentality. lol Plus, I would've known better to deal with the idiots for whom I caught feelings. Those knuckleheads definitely weren't worth the headaches and the heartache, so I probably would've cussed them out somethin' serious and been on about my business. lol Yet again, you live and you learn, and I really believe I've started enjoying life since hitting 30 a couple years ago. Hell, I've gotten IDed more in my 30s than I ever did during my adolescence and 20s, so I won't complain. lol
I would have picked a different undergrad college (I stayed in state) and major and then moved abroad for some years. But, I think that, no matter what path I would have taken, I would have made numerous errors, if not the exact same ones I made on my current path. Overall, no encounter or experience (good or bad) in my past has been wasted; although, there was always the potential for waste if I didn't learn, understand, and live out the lesson, which meant the lesson kept/keeps popping up until I did/do learn. Then it's time for a new/the next one and so on.... :-) Although my past is littered with major mess ups, bridges burned, acute embarrassments and disappointments, I find more good, more accomplishments and reasons to celebrate than not. Today, I'm more at peace with my past, even as some parts of it still try to resurface in memory or real life. But, for the most part, I feel more mature and have a healthier appreciation for who I am and what I have (internally and externally). Of course, I still have some lessons cycling overhead like buzzards. So, to be continued.... ;-)
I wouldn't change anything big I would take my box of old drawings and self-made comics with me instead of leaving them behind when I moved in high school. I would be able to see how much I've improved since then if I had that box. It might have held me back artistically if I had it throughout the years but that's the only thing I keep wishing I could change from my past.
But life is still good without it, it's not like I'm an amazing artist and because I left it I learned to treasure the art I've made since then and keep them in binders now. I'm an optimist, y'know? ;D
To speak out against the people who I said no to but decided to have their own way regardless. So I could have least said something rather than have been so timid and afraid. I would have felt like I at least said something; I guess a consequence could have been that I wouldn't be alive right now. I ask myself every day if it was worth my innocence; Was it worth the habit I had formed; hating and blaming my family the way I did. I don't know and I'll never know.
One thing I do know is that I love myself now. The goofy, weird kid that never need drinks or drugs to have a good time and live a better life. The big girl who is happy to cook for others and shares the emotions of others. It took a long while to get here but I'm that woman now and I'm ready for the future.
I would go past my timeline and change either my mom ever meeting my dad or 2 my mom getting back together with him and would have her pursue the guy that actually gave a shit about her. Who knows, My Dad would be different or I might have not been born at all, neither of those options bother me.