Keepin' It Real: 9 Answers to Complaints From Black Women on Asian Men

[Alayzia]

I tried to post this last night but my internet is in wack mode and shut down on me. I think when it comes to Asian Men and Black Women, both are to blame for their lack of connections. But I think we women at times won't openly address the shortcomings we have when it comes to meeting Asian men. As someone who's been cruising AW/BW sites for about 5 years (LOL sad isn't it), I've encountered black women who seem to have the same issues when it comes to Asian men, but they don't put much thought into their reasons for the issues. I'm NOT blaming black women here, but I think we can also reflect on our decisions when it comes to dating.So I have some advice for ladies based off the type of complaints I've seen over and over from black women. Of course this is just my opinion and may not reflect the feelings of the black women here. But I'm writing it anyway. If any black ladies want to comment, complain, or add their own notes, please do so. And guys, I'd like to hear from you as well.


1. "He Doesn't Like Black Girls!"
Nowadays we live in a world where the word "preference" is thrown around left and right. Some prefer tall girls, some prefer girls with big boobs. And some don't prefer a black girls. Honestly I think asking a guy why he doesn't date black girls can lead to an interesting conversation. For some guy it's for more shallow reasons; and sometimes they will have downright racist reasons. FUCK THOSE GUYS! Why would you even bother with a man like that? Move on!

But there are the guys who have had little exposure to black women, thus they were out of the realm of dating. Those are the guys you can work with. If you approach him as "you" first and "black woman" second, it opens his mind not only to who you are, but also the idea that black women aren't the same or even elusive.

Also remember ladies for every Asian guy out there that isn't interested in black women, there's one that is. If Guy #2 isn't working out then look elsewhere.


2. "He Just Wants To Fuck Me!"
Many times I here of black women lamenting over the fact that some Asian guys just see them as sex objects. They're quick to point fingers at the media as it's common to see a half naked black ass in the latest hip-hop video. Now I won't dispute this because there is some truth here. But I have another theory. Ready for it? Asian men are...men. Men love to fuck. A lot of them don't care about race, they just care about how good your puntang is. And yes there are Asian guys like that. Now there is the Asian guy just looking to "experiment" with you because he's never been with a black woman before. Any guy that only thinks of you as an experiment deserves a nice big small and a kick in the nuts. But men are men. When you meet horny little Jun and you're turn off by his sexual advances...then send him my way because I'm horny too! LOL or just tell Jun you're not interested or you'd like to get to know him a bit more before hitting the sheets. If he doesn't wanna hear it, move on!


3. "He's Not A REAL Asian Because He Doesn't Like Anime!"
Asian media may not be mainstream in the US but it's not difficult to find black girls that like anime, K-drama, Jpop, etc. Unfortunately, these girls will think this type of media is the best way to meet Asian men. And they get downright offense because Tim Yang doesn't listen to Big Bang or Yoshitaka down the street isn't watching Hana Yori Dango. LOL the ironic thing is these are the same girls that get offended if Yoshitaka asks her if she likes Kanye West. I'm a fan of Asian media myself so I'm not gonna say hide these things, BUT be careful about how you discuss these things with him. Running up and saying, "OMG I LOVE GOONG WHAT ABOUT YOU!" Might Turn him off. Maybe, "Yeah I like to watch a lot of stuff. I enjoy a good K-drama from time to time, but I also like..." And if you see he's interested in K-drama, keep the convo going. If he's like "What? K-drama? Eww?" then don't harp on it.

And remember: while Dragonball Z is a part of Japanese culture, it's part of POP culture. Just because he's not watching doesn't mean he doesn't know anything else about Japanese culture, especially if he is Japanese. Don't question who he is because he's not watching the latest HK flick. He might express ideas of his own cultures in ways that are over your head because the only thing you know is pop culture.I think it's good to ask people about aspects of their culture outside of the "cool" "Wacky" stuff just as long as you're not tactless asking "Why do Thai People Dance Like Chickens?" Because it just makes you sound stupid.


4. "He's not a REAL Asian because he's not right from Asia!"
So I guess you're not black because you're not from the motherland right? Yes I have seen black women use the "I only like foreign Asian men line" and ignore Tom because he was born in NYC. Think about the reason  of why you want the guy from Asia. Is it based off your own stereotypical views of men living in Asia? Well here's a reality check: there are many men in Asian that are just as obnoxious as guys here. Then you have to deal with issues of a stronger cultural barrier and even the idea of leaving your country to be with him. Are these things impossible to deal with? No. But America hasn't corrupted every Asian man that was born and raised here. If Tom was born and raised in NY tell him he's a got a sexy NY accent and ask him what he likes to do for fun. LOL he may be the Asian guy that like Dragonball Z.


5. "I'm looking for my own Bi!"
We live in a very shallow world so I won't even pretend that looks don't matter. However remember not to let your love for those nice defined abs of Kpop stars or the "beautiful" look of Gackt cloud your ideas of what Asian men looks like. Yes there are some very hot guys walking the streets. And there are also the guys that may not have the abs but have other great aspects. I'm a sucker for a man with dimples and a great smile. And I'm an ass girl...I work with what you got. ;P Tom from NY maybe an inch shorter than you but he makes you laugh, has a great smile, looks even cuter in his glasses, he's into you and c'mon...he likes Dragonball Z! Date this guy!


6. "He's a Thugabee!"
"Thugbee" is a word I created while living in Japan. It means "thug wanabee." You know the Asian guys sporting cornrow, listening to hip-hop, wear Sean John, wants to live in Harlem. Naturally he's looking for his black girlfriend trophy and he's set his eyes on you. Unfortunately his this is the only idea of black culture he has and he's expecting you to teach him about it. So it's the flipside of you--anime loving, K-drama watching, gyaru style wearing black girl--approaching an Asian Guy.

This is a tricky on here and you can take several options. First, you're not a damn teacher, but remind him that black culture is more than the latest Kanye West video. Again this is wear, "you" present yourself first then "black woman." Let him know that black PEOPLE are not all alike and he needs to be interested in you for who you are, and not because of your skin color. Now these guys can be pretty hot. Seriously I've seen some nice abs, faces, and asses on these guys. But how can you build a relationship with a guy that doesn't see you? Just use him as your fuck buddy and look elsewhere for an Asian guy that will see "you" and "black woman." Or skip the fuckbuddy part and just look for a new guy.


7. "He's not From Japan!"
Earlier I mentioned foreign men, but here I'm gonna be a bit more specific. I've met some black women that claim to love all kinds of Asian men, when they really just mean Chinese, Japanese, or Korean Men. Umm ladies...there tons of other hot ass Asian men out there. Here are a few examples:

Indonesian

Indian

Thai

Filipino

Vietnamese

LOL yes I know this conradicts my whole "Average Asian Guy" comments earlier since these guys are all models or actors. But the point is there's more to Asian men than just three countries. There as interesting, funny, smart, and outgoing as Chinese, Japanese, and Korean guys. So give them another looks. Tom, our Dragonball Z loving guy who makes you laugh and smile despite the slight height difference is Vietnamese. Why are you not dating this man!?


8. "I Can't Find Asian Men Here"
Asians are like black folks: we're EVERYWHERE! Sometimes you just have to get a bit to meet them. There are the routes like going to Asian dance clubs, events, and happy hours, but don't do it too much because you'll look like a black chick desperately seeking some yellow mantang. If a guy asks you why you're at the event, A shrug and "I like to do all kinds of things and meet all kinds of people" works better than "I'm looking for yellow man-tang...are you single and do you like Naruto?" you can find Asian men at other places like concerts, stores, other dance clubs, etc. LOL I know Asian men are everywhere but I know it can be hard to find them at the right time. Ther's the beauty of the internet. Internet dating has lost a lot of it's stigma of losers being online and people are making real connections. Sometimes the net works better because people actually are more honest online. If you see an Asian guy looking to tap some black ass because he wants to experiment, he's being honest about it. DON'T REPLY!!! You do have to have a stronger weeding process with the internet sometimes, but like I said it has worked before. I think the biggest issue maybe distance though. Tom is still in NY but you're living in California. If you truly feel Tom is the one, then I say go ahead with discussing plans to move or marriage...after careful consideration of course. But make sure you're both ready to make those changes. In the end you need to think about what's best for you and how you feel.


9. "He's not ASIAN!"
So Tom didn't work out. And you meet a gorgeous black men who's only got eyes for you and you have a lot in common. Date his ass! Sorry Asian guys you know I love y'all but I refuse to believe that any woman should sit around waiting for Mr. Asian Right. In the end Mr. Right might not be Asian, and that's not a crime.


So that's it. Anyone looking to thrown stones and yell at me for stereotyping Asian Men and Black Women here...I'll take your ass on! LOL!

Pics stolen from http://male.thedailymodel.com/

[Kimerla Daniels]

I loved reading this. Great points made.

[Afro2]

this was funny but true.

[Kristyn]

Very good post, although I'm years late. It seems those issues listed are still relevant today. I recently spoke with an Asian guy who spoke about his annoyance with the girls that lead with the anime, kimchee, Asian name without the husband or heritage thing. He found those actions offensive. Sure, some guys may not care, but it's best to approach as a woman thank with a stereotype. And I definitely co-sign about men being men and wanting sex (not that women are exempt fully). Some BW believe that all AM are great guys, non-players, etc., and, unfortunately, find out later that human nature transcends race, culture, etc.I think Black women, as a whole, have taken blow after blow from society about our beauty. It seems Asian women and White women get the benefit of the doubt of having good character without having to prove it, whereas the beauty of good among Black women is constantly challenged, rather than each individual woman given the benefit of the doubt. I think one of the best thing anyone can do is get a healthy sense of self and self-love. It doesn't solve everything, such as the non-BM approaching us like a thug, but it helps us not be so thirsty (desperate) for ANYONE, that we can send them on their way if the guy isn't willing to approach as an individual man, instead of a walking stereotype.

[MissCelloSonata]

If you have ever said 3, 4, or 7.... do yourself a favor and just..... shut up. Disappear.

Anyways, I probably have felt this way about guys when it comes to "thugbees". 

I was talking to this one guy, and all he talked about was rap, hip-hop, and... whatever. I had no idea who or what he was talking about. I was so lost. Then he started asking me "Do you like fried chicken?" "Watermelon"? I replied "Do you like cat & dog?" He shut up hahaha. He thought I was strange for some reason cause I didn't listen to rap. But I like all kinds of music, just not most rap or country. He would text me sometimes in Mandarin which I thought was cool, but he was too much for me. We were too different. If you're trying to date a back girl just because you like hip hop and rap, thats pretty racist and vice versa if you date an Asian cause you like anime or kpop etc (I was really offended and kind of sad. I thought to myself "Is this the only Asian guy I can get?") 

I was going to label him as having a fetish... but then I realize thats what other people may say about me. Kpop and anime isn't what got me to like Asian men, but it did help me discover and appreciate a race that has a small voice in mainstream media. I was always the smart girl who liked going to the library, and one day I discovered manga. Then I realized, "these cartoons I've seen are anime" and I started watching more. Then I got into Japanese music and took Chinese classes in highschool. I dated a Filipino guy who introduced me to Kpop. As a teen, I never went through the crushing on guys stage. I was "Asexual" pretty much. After dating Asian men, I found my preference. People who think Asian men are unattractive can't understand this, and they are entitled to their opinion. I use to judge other people and Asian men for being "thugbees" but.... maybe thats their passion. My passion is learning new languages, and I take interest in learning characters from Asian languages. Just because he isn't right for you, doesn't mean you have to insult the man. (Unless he askes if you like watermelon, then you have my permission to go full retard.)

I'm still waiting for 9 to happen. I met this really nice guy I have a lot in common with. He's Caucasian, and everyone thought we were dating cause we're always seen walking together, in classes together (gaming/snickering not paying attention to professor), eating together. He walks me back to my place sometimes. And he's tall~~ But we have different beliefs, and he's confused on his sexuality right now haha He's a great guy so ...you never know

[Ingrid]

The guys you posted pictures of - straight fire!!  I do like most Asian men but I am not attracted to Indian men most of the time.  I'm not usually attracted to Black men but hey, everyone from anywhere could catch my eye at any time.  I have run across a few of these guys but I take it as men are men and no matter where you are a dude is going to be a dude.  I happen to live in Arizona where you don't see many AMBW couples but I don't give up.  I met the love of my life who was born in Korea, immediately adopted in the US (so does that make him a "Real Asian" or not hahaha I didn't care, he was a great guy) and HE approached me!  I was shocked because that doesn't happen much here but when it does it's great.  Unfortunately, he passed away otherwise that would absolutely be my husband.  I have also met those guys in my travels who are just looking for the hookup.  I don't care if the guy is just looking for the hook up as long s he is HONEST about it.  That goes for any guy, I don't care where he is from.  Be honest and you never know what will happen.  I will admit until I told myself how stupid I sounded I believed the "they only want sex" BS Oh and two others that I believed was "Asians don't like Black people" and "everyone is going to stare at you" Well, in my travels I found that not at all to be the case in MY experience.  Everyone was nice and I think only one or two people looked at me for more than a second in a way that could be a stare.      It is difficult to meet people living in Arizona but the Asian population is growing so I stay positive.