Black Women Asian Men United

To support, encourage, & promote interaction between Asian Men & Black Women.

"To the friends we make, the friends we keep, and those friends that we lose...and others that we have yet to our relationships and
connections, are meshed in time of our life and even beyond death."

After sitting down and writing the above, I don't recall anyone really asking this on the forum.  It seems to be one of the most important aspects of being human, the connection is what our site is all about.  While I am sure there are different motivations for everyone...what makes relationships worth it?  What is a friend to you?

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I think it's safe to say, that we have to realize, that some people are in our lives are temporary and others last a lifetime. Unfortunately, we don't know who those certain individuals are. But when the time comes for that person to "leave" (either by walking away, not calling, move away, no means of contact, etc.), we must learn to cope. Sometimes people leave intentionally and don't want to connect anymore. Sometimes its vice versa. We have to know what a good quality friend is. This will help us to know who will be in our lives longer.

I'm sorry to digress, but I thought I should share that little tid bit as well :)

Anyway, I personally think a friend is someone who is thoughtful, helpful, and fulfilling. Someone who will not judge for a decision you made, but who supports you and helps you find solutions if there are problems. Someone who will listen to you and who will be your shoulder to cry on. Someone who will motivate and stand by you when your down. And most importantly, someone who will not change with you, regardless of what's going on with you or them. Someone who remains constant and stable through time. To me, this is a friend. The relationship, like any other, will go through a bumpy time eventually. If a friend has more pros than cons, I feel it's worth saving. Unless, if its something unlike their character and they really damaged the relationship. GOD put these devine people in your life to help you and be for you, not to hurt you and be against you.

When I was younger, I never realized why people would say that their lovers were their 'friend' as well. If they are your lover, whats the point of them having the title of a friend as well? Now that I'm older, I realize what they mean. All these qualities that I feel are of a true friend is exactly what I look for in a soul mate.

That's my 2 pennies on that :D
I definitely agree with everything you said, and really enjoyed reading it!
You learn who your true friends are when you are sick and when you are poor.
I agree 100% on this one. I have unfortunately experienced both situations; and it is truly a let down when you see someone whom you thought would stick it out with you, (be it a partner or a friend) bail out on you when you no longer have money or are too sick to go out. I find that in situations such as the one you mentioned above really put a test on your friendship.
...but thats just my opinion :-)
lol i so agree.
What makes a good friend? hmm ima say it comes down to connection and chemistry. I met some of the coolest people and had so much fun in one day and never saw them again :( it also happens in weeks as well. Where if i visit some place far away. It doesnt happen as much now since we have technology to connect to. But still sometimes when i lose the latest cell phone :(

This always happens to my ass though, sometimes it was pride that was in the way and sometimes shame lol but i learned to drop that on so many occasions now :)

what makes relationships worth it? They usually all do, at least most of them but I tend to stay away from the bad apples and ppl who might bring me down. But how do i know for sure? I dont...

What is a friend to you? Most people i meet and connect with ; ) Theres degree to acceptance, trust, letting guard down, etc etc. Most times u feel it and sense it and some times ur wrong. And even if i do make the mistake i learn now not to make a big fuss over it or even confront.

Yes I have been taken advantage of many times and prolly alot more that i dont know lol. I still risk finding good people to associate with rather than being afraid of being taken advantage of :) I associate with most of my friends but i hang out regularly only with a select few.

This subject i think is not easy to answer, at least for me but in a nutshell, this is how i feel right now. So i might come back to this thread.
I've been wondering this for a long time now. I recently let a "friend" go. She thought she was a good one but she wasn't!

A good friend is honest, understanding and loyal, that's it I don't need anything else and I wont ask for much more either but honesty rather its humble or brutal is most important!

I find it hard to make friends for different reasons. people only want to show you one side of them or just sleep with you and not get to know you. They want to be ya friend to climb on ya back and onto someone elses, for what you can do/ give them and make them look. <=== wow i'm ranting because no one wants to take the thing to genuinely get to know a person not even on a dating/talking but on a friendship level and it makes me feel so old-fashioned
k back on this thread lol.

Being misunderstood is another key factor, at least for me. If i can be myself without worrying of being judged, being looked down on, and sometimes even talking shit upon. Hence we spend time with one more than another even though both are close in there own way.

SO i guess in a cruel world peers hold back cuz they dont wanna be misunderstood or judged. I think its sad when ppl hold back. I also think its even sadder when the person was being honest at least in the moment and ppl make fun of him/her or put the person down. The genuineness dies and ppl build fences around them.

Although i do admire genuine frankness whether that be mean or nice. SO i guess that can become misunderstood too lol. I guess thats why chemistry plays an important role. When everything clicks u dont think what next to say or how to act.

I wish sometimes when they get hurt they can tell me if and when it does occur say "hey that hurts!" and vice versa, if i ever have the courage :)

When i look at kids sometimes i admire them alot for there pure honesty and intentions. The wolrd might be better off but we all know its a misunderstood world when it comes to most of reality.
This is a very serious topic for me and one that i don't take lightly. I hear people talk about acquaintances and good friends but what ever happened to having a true friend(s)? It's true you can weed out the bad ones when they don't stand beside you at your worst but what about the ones that stand beside you at your best? True friends feed off of each other's positive energy that generates a bond of security, trust, empathy and love and when one's energy is off balance the other true friend restores the balance. True friends always do this for one another because it's a never ending cycle. A pact that you create together going in with your eyes wide open. True friends can see the purity in your heart and soul without you saying a word because you're so intune and intact with one another. Good friends only see far enough to satisfy their curiosity and we all know that acquaintances don't give a damn anyway. When you're going down a destructive path a true friend isn't afraid to tell you like it is even if they know it'll hurt you. They won't tell you what they think you want to hear but what the reality is. You can tell them your innermost deepest thoughts, feeling and secrets whether good or bad because you know they won't judge you for what you've done but for the person you have become to be. They'll help you find the good in you even when you've lost your way. You flourish together. A true friend will also admit when they're wrong. You're never afraid to face each other. You can only truly let your guard down and open yourself up to vulnerability with a true friend. Not a good friend and definitely not an acquaintance.
To me, a good friend is honest but tactful. They will tell you when you are wrong but still love you and defend you to others. Be positive and supportive while reserving judgement. Reframe from saying "I told you so". If you've warned them, they will remember. It's hard to go to someone in humility when you know they would rub it in your face. Being forgiving, if you truly love and know your friend, you should know the intent of their heart. If they did something wrong or hurtful it doesn't mean they do not care for you. Being trustworthy and giving the same courtesy you would want.
I'm still trying to find good friends.
But I think the best ones are the one that accept you and care for you unconditionally. Tell you when
you are wrong, and stick by you when you are right. And won't play pretend with your friendship. At least that's the type of friend I am. However I seem to cross more pretenders than genuine people. Always setting myself up to be let down. I think that's I'm becoming more of a recluse.
In order to be a good friend people have to realize that you aren't always going to agree with each other. Every person has a different personality and will at times clash. There are times when I am afraid that what I will say will hurt my friends, but I would rather me be honest with them than having them get hurt by me keeping my thoughts secret.


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