Black Women Asian Men United

To support, encourage, & promote interaction between Asian Men & Black Women.

You Love em , You Hate em at the same damn time! Do you stay or leave?

   So I have a child on way and am currently engaged. I have offered to take marriage counseling and try my best to be honest with her. But we fight about things that I feel wouldn't be a problem if she'd listen. I come to her all the time for guidance and am very mindful of the decision's I make bc I lover her. I feel as a family , that both her and I must keep in mind , the choices we make individually will effect both of us. However she likes to say that I'm just trying to be in control. So my question is , when do you say " I had enough , I'd rather suffer alone then be miserable with you?" How many things are you willing to loose before calling it quits.

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Considering there is a child involved, I'd say try counseling first but if all else fails, you'll need to go your separate ways. Good luck with whatever choice you make.
When it's now longer worth it.

Congratulations on your child and engagment!

 

If there wasn't a child involved, I would've just said to call it quits. Also, I'm not trying to cover for her or anything, but when a woman is pregnant, she tends to get more irate/easy-to-anger than normal because her hormones are out of control. my sister-in-law and my brother went through the same thing when she was pregnant. almost losing the marriage they just got into over constant squabbles about nothing really. I wanna say things will get better after the baby's born and you guys are working together as parents/husband-and-wife to take care of things and you both realize how much you love and need each other, but i'm not gonna jump that far considering i don't know anything about how you guys are together. Just be strong no matter what happens. If for no one else, do it for your child's sake.

 

Now, I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but i'm gonna tell you just like i told my brother when he was going through a similar situation...PRAY and PRAY SOME MORE. When it feels like you can't take anymore, that's when you gotta turn to someone that can and will. I feel that if you give it try, it'll work out for the best whether the best means that you two stay together or that you two walk seperate paths. Just don't lose sight of what's best for your bundle of joy ^_^v.

are they trying to compromise, change or acknowledge their issue?

Yes, work it out

No, leave

It takes two to make it work. You cant always drive the ship on your own..takes a team

As for the child... i will say this, dont stay for the child. Because her/him seeing their parents in a bad relationship is just as damaging as seeing them separate but happy. Eventually the possibility of the child having two dads that love them or/and two moms that love them is a good gain. Lots of love. Having two parents that fight and cant respect another can teach them to fear marriage or relationships...

Staying together is not always the best for the child, its how you handle the separation that matters

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