Black Women Asian Men United

To support, encourage, & promote interaction between Asian Men & Black Women.

What are you now too old or too young for as daters in their 30s and up?

Ok so since I'm in my early 30s,  Don't misread me. I definitely know what I want in life and relationships… buuuuuut I'm finding that I'm back in an awkward tween stage of dating and romance. No one can call me too young but yet and still I'm still kind of teetering on what is age appropriate, what works, what I have energy for etc. I know what I'm too old for, but it's hard finding the right comfort zone esp when dating. To date up or down in age?  do we party or lounge? is it time to settle or turn up?! I just want to hear from other people to get an idea. After 30 is a magical time.. usually a time of great transition. Some are finally finding themselves and otters are finally reconnecting to themselves and shedding bad past relationships and decisions..where are most of you at? Am I the only one feeling a bit lost in the mix? enquiring minds want to know.. 

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I think when you hit 30 and up you have a clear ideal of what your looking for. The question is are there men out there that fit your requirements.

There are men who fit the bill, but finding them where you live may be the only problem. California is the place to meet serious men who are willing to commit, and the only state where I personally know mothers who introduced me to their sons for a potential marriage. After age 30, dating became easier and more rewarding for me, so I must encourage black women to be willing to move to California to be in high demand for a quality marriage. I have experienced men in other states, and can say from that experience, California is the place to be. If anyone meets their spouse in another state, please let us know where and how you met. thanks.

Back then dating was for fun, no real expectations and I took it for what it is. 

I find most of the women I date now around my age now as compared to 10 years prior are a LITTLE more mature. I find they are more forward now in their 30's than when they were in their 20's. They don't use the tactic of trying to pedestal theirself and have men compete for them. I found that tiring and unnecessary. 

I don 't find the appeal of standing in line for a boogi club and having to pay $300 for bottle service anymore like I had before. I like to do activities now and actually try to get to know someone while on a date. So the noisy bar is something I don't do anymore.

In terms of what works - it's up to the individual. You can date up or down in age - it's up to what your comfortable with.

That is refreshing to hear. A guy that likes to take time and get to know someone without added drama. Also, I have never been the dramatic tactic slinging, make you jump through loops to get me kind of girl. I certainly feel I deserve to be respected but, I just want to get to know someone, spend time with them and be myself. I'm really laid back, I don't need the drama, life on its own adds in enough. I often find men that like the girls that are dramatic. I've been holding out for guys that like girls that just want to relax and enjoy themselves. Good to know men like you are out there.

Hi everyone. I agree it's nice to know there are still some open minded guys that can go with the flow. As for what is appropriate & not, in the 30s you have a balance of being young/wise. What ever happens, I want to be able to say I enjoyed getting to know/dating the guy. I say do what makes you feel comfortable.

I realized back in my college years -now almost as long ago as I've been alive- that I didn't agree with how many women around me seemed to approach or view dating.  Many bought into the idea that dating is a privilege and that men were expected to prove themselves worthy of dating them.  That we had to make it past the flaming barrels and climbing up the ladders before we were even in contention.  Many women continued to see their roles in a similar way in the following decades.  This, honestly, left me rather tired and uninterested.

What I've realized over the past year or so is that not all women have this point of view and that many are willing to admit that they like someone because they like that person.  And that it isn't necessary to go through all of the hoops of - Did I ask her too late/too early?  Is she here because she wants to be with me or because she thought I was doing something interesting?  Is she amused or is she happy?  Does she really want to go out with me or is she being nice? - and realized that not all women think that it's worthwhile to do go through that either. 

It sounds like you were around girls who were not very direct about their desires. The more straightforward the female, the better! But young 20 year old girls may not be sure of what they want yet, so it is not wise to assume that she is emotionally ready for the type of relationship you are looking for. Every male and female needs to experience trial and error to an extent, until they know what they really want, .......in detail! That takes years, not months! This necessity is not gender specific, but a very universal need which requires patience from both parties. This road is not easy, but it becomes very rewarding, even before marriage.

Age Appropriate? Size Appropriate? The right comfort zone? All of these are nonsense. Only Connection Appropriate can create stability and conquer all difficulties.

I used to date 10 years up, 10 years down... I even had an opportunity to go a little lower...21 year old... I will say...getting older and having more stability does change your mind about who is viable and who is not.  Having a child...you are kind of looking for step mother material as well as wife material...and as it seems...no one is up to par to some of my standards as of yet.  But keeping hope alive.  

I can understand where this is kind of murky water. Things change as we get older as do expectations. The question of what's appropriate I think depends on responsibility rather than age. Not knocking anyone but if you have 3 kids under 10 stay out the club and at the house, better luck finding a guy at PTA. Personally 5 down 20 up is my limit. But to each his/her own

I think it depends on the person that your dating because some men are very mature at a young age. In fact, it could be the other way around. I know a man in his 40's that is sooooo inmature. If you run across a good male or female you will know what to do. Additionally, age is really just a number and who's counting anyway?

I agree it's frustrating. I had the best "dating life" in my 20's. I guess because I wasn't worried about settling down I thought I had plenty of time. LOL! And now in my 30's I'm like not dating as much cuz I don't want to waste my time on something that may not last. It sucks but there's still time. LOL! We're still young and we should date more freely as we did when we were younger. Now a days it is good to have options. Men keep options so why NOT. They don't have to know you're dating other people.

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