Black Women Asian Men United

To support, encourage, & promote interaction between Asian Men & Black Women.

When I was in Japan, I'd heard that women were called "make-inu" (literally LOSER DOG) if they weren't married by the time they were 30 (this has jumped a bit...they used to look down on women that weren't married by the time they were 25). It was interesting because I was in my mid 20s when I was in Japan and when women found out I wasn't married, there was a little surprise, but it was quickly met with, "oh it's okay because you're American." Many Japanese women who watched shows like Sex and the City thought many Americans had a cavalier attitude about marriage and it wasn't a big deal to marry later in life, or sometimes not at all.

But I think America STILL has ideas of women being married at a certain age. Three of my friends got married this year, and two are getting married next year. Two other friends married by the time they were 25. Another friend of mine is constantly looking for a man while another is dead set on getting married by next year (she's turning 30). In general I've always been the "single" girl (LOL or the "wild child" depending on who you talk to). I'm not really interested in marriage let alone doing it in two years. Yet sometimes I do feel that I should being thinking about marriage if just to add to the severely low stats of black women that are married. WETV spends Sunday all on Wedding bruhaha and of course we just "LOVE" to hear about celebrities getting married (LOL and if we're evil divorced).

So women what are your thoughts on this? Do you feel the pressure of getting married at a certain age? Do you plan to marriage by 30 or already did so? Guys it would be interesting to have your input as well. Do you feel there's more pressure on women to getting married than men?

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Replies to This Discussion

Look that, I do not know what you call that, hurry up and marry before your thirty. if you feel a need for speed...yeah you should hurry up get marry, and I pray it last. I know this beautiful woman who never marry( she is 61 year of age) she just became a beautiful bride. It depend on how life is...if marriage is all you want then get marry. But age is not a real factor.
I'll be 30 this time next year, and I haven't even been on a real date yet. My focus has always been my education and keeping my independance. Also, watching the marraiges of the women in my family fizzle and die in 20 years or less has made me wary of the whole idea of the married state.

Since I have no plans to have kids and I want to be secure in my chosen career, which won't happen before I'm well into my 40's, I do not feel that I am under pressure to marry any time soon.

That said, I have friends that have married sooner and are very happy, but they found their soul mates, and I am happy for them. Thinking about them helps renew my faith in humanity, but I don't think that kind of restriction is for me.

I'll be the first to tell you I'm far to selfish to be married.
The Nigerian culture is similar to this. I'm 27 and not too sure if I will marry by 30. Marriage to me is something that should NOT be pressured or rushed into. I have seen to marriages like this crumble. The last thing I would want is to be stuck in an unhappy marriage. I'll let God do all of the work.
Seen it all and done the Rest: This is a very interesting in america they do still have certain age expectations when it comes to marriage..mostly, you're expected to be married by at least 25-30 years of age. I don't see what the rush is. I too have had friends who got married fresh out of college, others before are those marriages still stable? Well in the 8 out of the 12 aren't any longer. The remaining 4 are because no matter what the situation, these couples have taken their vows seriously and dedicated themselves to maintaining a lasting relationships. They took the time to get to know each other as throughly as they could...before making the choice to jump the broom. They were all friends first, then lovers and ergo Soulmates then married couples.

In some Asian societies, particularly in the past in Korean culture, it was taboo to unmarried by the time you're 30. This wasn't acceptable, due to the fact that you were expected to bare children by a certain age. I can agree with that...I mean who wants to be changing diapers, running behind toddlers in your 30's and 40's. Too much drama. So in some instances in the past, most Korean women who havent't attracted a mate on their own, seek out what we would call marriage brokers..(not unlike a Jewish match maker); she gives you portfolios of various eligible males which contain everything from photos, health history, education, financial background, and not to mention, what type of family they come from, traditional or conservative, or non traditional. Then if you feel that your interested, a date is set up to meet so as to get to know each other...if you're compatable, then the families are notified and then the real courting begins...I find this all so very fascinating..even in this day and age. Most Korean males who are close to their family are usually expected to obey and do as he is told, particularly because, eventhough this individual is independent in a sense..he still receives support from his family, mother and naturally he's obligated to do as he is told. Now is this still the case? Well I don't know for sure. So many things are changing in Korean, and more and more couples are not so quick to tie the not as it were. Maybe because of economics, more westernization, media, etc., who knows? Christina, you can interject here whenever necessary because you're there in Korea, right?

Now women on the other hand have evolved a lot...I have a friend who told me the other day that she was about to get married to a young man from her home in india, I got a little sad..but cheered up when she told me that the wedding was off because, eventhough this young man was choosen for her...(india has a class system for marriage), she was willing to get married due to her parents wishes..but the young man who was suppose to be working on his masters...decided not to complete his education, because he was going to marry her and didn't think that he needed to finish his courses. Which, is funny because she told him that she wanted him to complete his studies and she would assist him financially because they were to be married. But he had made up his mind not to finish. Now that's not the only reason she choose not to marry him...he wanted them to get married traditionally in friend is a she thought maybe they could get married here first, and then go home to have a more traditional wedding in India..He wasn't having it..So she said that she would give him time to make up his mind...he decided he'd rather get married in India first, due to his mothers prodding, so she said the wedding is off. Now she's free to look elsewhere. Anyhow, she's a beautiful 34 y/o, sweet and sensitive as she can be, and whereas she acknowledges tradition, she's really looking for a more westernised man. She says she doen't care if their 30 to 50 as long as they have goals, and are willing to accomplish them...with her assistance of course...whew! Doesn't have to be from India, things like that never mattered to her, parents could never tell her what to do...she supports them...and I can honestly say this because I work with her and have noticed some of her dating habits. As a matter of fact, I was shocked when she said she was getting married. I thought she would be one of those hard to get to the alter bacheloretts. Then again, she does respect her parents wishes to a certain extent.

So I guess what is boils down to is people aren't as rushed to get married as they were at least five years ago..their taking their time and making sure that when they do it..hopefully it will be a lifetime thing...trends do seem to change at the drop of a I could be wrong. As for me it's been twenty-one years, two grow kids with children of their own..It's time to do me..and at this stage..all I want is a little adventure, good food, good friends and someone to share them with and marriage, well maybe you never know!
yea, right.

if you got options, why settle down so early?
I'm not in a rush to get marry. But if i end up finding my soulmate then whatever happens happens. I love to get married someday but im not looking to be soon. So i dont feel pressure about it.
I do feel like I want to be married by 30 (I'm 27 at the time of this writing), but I don't know why. I've never even been in a real relationship. For some reason, relationships scare the hell out of me.

My take on it is that I would wait for the right man instead of any man. I've seen women so thirsty to get married that they marry anything that comes their way. And less than 2 years they are divorced. Within the first 6 months there's problems. I would rather get to know someone before I get married. Too many people want to just say they are getting marrid, have a huge wedding that gets them in debt becuause they are trying to show off for people.

If you're doing you, and you're happy with what you're doing..... don't worry about it! I'm super happy being single. If I didn' have great family and friends I would prolly feel some of this biological clock thing that others feel, but I'm always out and never lonely when I do. So just be happy. You'll know when you're ready for more.

I grew up in an enviroment that declared if you aren't married by 25 you are an "old maid".  My mother and my aunt were both married before they were 21!! (both of those marriages are still going strong)  I am the only single female left of my female friends.  So, it is a bit intimidating.

My parents are always asking me when am I going to "find my son a father"? (I have a 2 year old little boy) My response is always the same, when and if God delivers the right man into my life to marry, I will but until then I will focus on being the best mom, friend, sister, etc. that  I can be.

But to answer your question, yes, I do feel there's more pressure on women to get married by a certain age.(at least in my experience)

I don't think a woman should have to be married by 30. And it's messed up that some feel that they should be. My college professor said if you're not married by 30, you're less likely to get married in life. Well fuck that, I got married at 24 and all I could think about was how bad I wanted to get w/ other guys. Get married becAuse you have an undeniable love that you know you would last and you want to, fuck what every 1 else thinks.

Marriage is way overrated! Unfortunately, I don't know one truly happy couple. But for anyone with the courage to jump the broom, I wish them the best.


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