Why do over half of marriages end in divorce??

[Rina]

First off, everything I say in this post is strictly my OPINION and from info I received from other couples! So if I offend anyone, please charge it to my head and not my heart! 

Now with that out of the way, there are hundreds of reasons why people choose to get a divorce.  Reasons like, He doesn’t appreciate me, she spends too much money, he can’t keep a job, she works too much, she doesn’t want sex, he wants too much sex, or he/she cheated on me! And the list goes on and on.  I’m sure there are a lot of scenarios that brought people to these conclusions to have a divorce.  I believe one of the major culprits, is jumping the broom way to fast! I know a couple who only met 4 months before they got hitched!  They were divorced in 4 years, after that! At the beginning of most relationships, whether in a romantic setting or just casually, we put on our best behavior.  We’re polite and nice and all dreamy and stuff.  You know, trying to impress the other person.  We don’t let them see that bad and ugly side to us right away.  Like, how we can be messy or lazy sometimes, or how we can be bitchy about certain things unnecessarily! Nope we want to be that Ms. Super Woman or Mr. Prince Charming in the other person’s eyes, so we keep all that other stuff hidden.  So how do we know what a person is truly like??  It takes time and patience! I’ve heard that generally it takes about 6 months before a person is comfortable enough to reveal their true self to their new partner.  I believe with some people, it should be a year or more! There are people who can put up a front for a long time! LOL After time passes all that infatuation and googley eyes start to fade. Allowing you to see each other a little more clearly! Normally at this point, you would probably start seeing little tell-tale signs that would give you a clue about each other’s bad and ugly behavior.  But people have a tendency to deny and ignore those signs that our own eyes and common sense is showing us!!  This is a BIG no no!!  This is the time to be real with yourself! You already know what you can and cannot tolerate!  You should think to yourself “he/she seems a bit messy, is this something I can deal with?” Or, he/she seems a bit flirty with other people, is this something I can tolerate? Whatever the signs are, be honest with yourself about whether it’s something you can tolerate if your partner NEVER changes them!  Because one of the mistakes made when we consider marrying someone is, “They will change when we get married”. Or “it’s just a faze, it will pass when we get married”!  Unfortunately, most of the time this is not true!  The signs you began to notice is who that person really is and has always been! You just didn’t notice it until now!

Now, lets say you’ve seen all the signs, and you’re like bump that, I’m still getting married!  And then after a while all hell breaks loose! What to do then?  Well, let’s back up a bit first! I believe a lot of couples misunderstand what being married is really about. It’s simple and complicated at the same time! It’s not just I love this person and this person loves me. It’s supposed to be I belong to this person and this person belongs to me, FOREVER! You grow and become like one person! You wouldn’t cut off the right side of your body if there was something you didn’t like about it, would you? No you wouldn’t, unless something has truly gone wrong in your head! LOL When you get married both of your mind sets should be it’s all about the other person!  You know both of you are in this together, but you should act like the survival of your marriage is only dependent on you! I believe the heart of the issues why people end up divorcing, is we think of ourselves way to much! Most of the complaints, NOT ALL, center on things people don’t like about their spouses!  That’s why you have to be honest with yourselves when you start seeing the little signs in the beginning of the relationship before marriage comes into play.  Can I tolerate these things if this person never changes? If the answer is no, then you probably should not marry the person! Also, ask yourself can I truly give “my everything” to this person even if they don’t give their all to me?  If the answer is no, then you probably shouldn’t married them as well.

I know I’m not an expert or anything! And I’m definitely not trying to be one! LOL! This is just my take on the whole thing! It would be nice to see the percentage of divorces decrease a bit, though!

[Lean]

Its easy to say that people enter marriage half -ass but that's not always the case.. There are different variables to every relationship/ situation.  I feel that what most people don't realize before getting into any type of relationship is that they have to be content in their own skin. People find a significant person that brings them up or makes them feel good about themselves.. cause emotions inside that they were never able to obtain being single.. and it causes this reliance on the other person.. a standard of what they need to live up to.. once they fall from that pedestal ... any thing can come between even the most "perfect" couple.   Relationships are hard but being married is even harder.. love is not enough. Confidence in yourself and in your partner, Communication, and security goes a long way.

[Tatyana]

Because too many people enter a marriage half ass, like its a joke or something people arent being real with one another. So many people get married to the person they dont truly love but they dont want to be alone, like that will make the relationship better. Too many business arranged marriages...If the two actually like the person they are marrying meaning friends and it follows with real love then it will most likely last.  Those are the type of marriages you see lasting, where they are friends and lovers with each other first they have full respect and trust between them....how people miss that I will never know.

[1- V, Cambodia, The Great One!]

It has to be the right mix of acceptance and willingness to work things out.  A lot of it has to do with Finances, and we might see a change because people are really going to have to depend on one another to survive the next 10 years.  We shall see.

[Rina]

You have a point there V, I've witnessed situations like that as well! I see it really does depend on the individuals and there own experiences! It's just sad to see that most marriages don't seem to work out in the US.

[1- V, Cambodia, The Great One!]

I've seen a surge in rebound effects in which some people get out of a seriously messed up relationship that they held on for a long time, and come out of it, fast marry the next person.  And it seems like they go into those relationships on that "I'm going to do right and be perfect high."  Two people on that bent get married fast when they realize that they really do want to be in a commited marriage. 

[Rina]

I feel you V! I wish people could be more straight up when it comes to relationships, but unfortunately it's not that way. And I can see where you are coming from when you say the issue is not time, but the way the individuals are conducting  themselves. Because, in a lot of these situations people are too selfish in a lot of their actions  and are not taking into consideration their spouse, which causes rifts in marriages. However, I do believe if you are a person who would be selflessly committed in a marriage, a little time in the beginning of the relationship, before marriage, is a great tool to weed out the fakers. It could avoid years of wasted time in an unhappy marriage! (smiling)

And thanks for commenting on my first blog post! I enjoy hearing your opinion

 

 

[1- V, Cambodia, The Great One!]

Why not just be and find a real straight up person, that cuts away the wasted time.  Most people are fake though, and I agree. But the time issue isn't the issue, it's how people conduct themselves, the individuals involved, that's the issue.